


Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is

by CalmCherryBlossom



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Depression, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Torture, Violence, Will add tags as I update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-13 15:18:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14115177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalmCherryBlossom/pseuds/CalmCherryBlossom
Summary: Bellamy and Murphy share a past together up in space. But what if Bellamy wasn't the only one with a secret and illegal sibling?





	1. Chapter 1

A lot had happened since the 100 had landed on earth. People had died or even got killed by one of their own.  
But one incident changed Bellamy’s life more than he ever could’ve imagined. 

Wells Jaha had also been onboard of the dropship and most of the people couldn’t stand him, because he was the chancellors son and had much more privileges than the others had. But that’s not the reason why he got killed. He was murdered by the young Charlotte, only because he reminded her of his father, the man who floated her parents. 

Everyone accused John Murphy of killing Wells, nobody could have imagined that his killer was the terrified, innocent-looking Charlotte.  
She had used a knife with the initials J.M., a knife Murphy had assembled from a part of the dropship, which had brought them to earth and was a part of their camp. 

Murphy was a young man with a pretty dark, lonely and miserable past.

He acted harsh and violent since they were on earth, so it wasn’t a big surprise that everyone just simply believed, him being Jaha’s murderer. Charlotte didn’t even mean to harm anybody, but she was just too terrified and was told to face her fears. 

The others outraged and punished him very sadistically, he may haven’t been completely innocent, but he certainly did not have anything to do with Wells’ murder.  
Some boys were nearly kicking him to death until they took him and put a seatbelt from the dropship around his neck and hanging the other end on a branch of a tree and the only thing keeping him alive was a wooden crate underneath his feet. 

Suddenly Connor yelled: “Bellamy, you should do it!” Then almost the whole crowd joined in shouting “Bellamy!”

Bellamy seemed to be the only person most of the kids would listen to. Even though it hadn’t been his intention. 

He could see the fear reflecting in Murphy’s eyes, while looking at them and thinking about how cruel it would be killing him this way. His eyes were so familiar, it hurt. It hurt even more to see those eyes, knowing that they used to comfort him, with this much pain and fright.  
Bellamy heard him begging for his life, to not kick the crate, to let him live. He didn’t deserve this, after all that Murphy had been through.

Murphy only focused on Bellamy, he hated him for that. He hated him for the fact that he had to hear John’s voice with that much terror. The scream filled with horror calling his name, only his name. All Murphy’s attention was fixed on Bellamy, he didn’t scream at the others to stop. Murphy kept screaming at Bellamy that he didn’t do it, that he wasn’t the person who murdered Wells. 

All those memories, there were so many memories of them together up in space, sharing a past. 

Bellamy was thinking about how he met John back on the ark, a little terrified boy, looking for comfort and love. 

The first time Bellamy saw John, John was running from the guards holding something that looked like bread between his arms and body.  
John kept running until a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him into a closet right after he had turned the corner. The one hand stayed on his arm, the other hand was put on John’s mouth, so he couldn’t scream out for help.  
(Which, btw, would’ve been stupid considering the circumstances.) 

After the boy lowered his hands John turned around immediately and looked directly into Bellamy Blake’s eyes. Before John could say anything, Bellamy told him to put on the jacket he was taking off rapidly. 

John probably looked confused, because Bellamy started to explain that the guards hadn’t seen his face, so they wouldn’t recognize him wearing the jacket. 

When Bellamy gave him a sign that they had to leave, John didn’t move and asked him: “Who are you and why are you helping me?”. Bellamy looked at him for a while before he answered: “I’m Bellamy, and I am helping you because I’m a nice person. Now come on you have to get out of here”. John stared at him with wide eyes and wanted to ask him a lot of questions but knew that the answers would only cause more confusion.

They were walking towards John’s house, when John realized how cozy Bellamy’s jacket was. It was an old jacket, but that didn’t change how unbelievably comfortable it was. 

When they arrived at one of the loneliest corners of the factory station, John typed in a code next to the door before it opened itself. He went through the door quickly and almost closed it, so that Bellamy saw nothing but John’s body just standing there and staring at him.  
John thanked the boy who had helped him and turned away and tried to close the door, then he turned back and said: “I’m John Murphy by the way” the pale boy said without expecting an answer. Then he locked the door and left Bellamy alone, staring perplexed at the spot where John had suddenly disappeared.

Bellamy realized that John still had the jacket he gave him, while walking back home and thinking about the awkward way John had left, leaving Bellamy speechless.

 

The next day Bellamy wanted to have his jacket back, so he decided to go back to the section of the factory station where he had brought Murphy back to his place the day before.  
When he arrived, he had to knock twice before a damaged and despoiled looking woman opened the door, through which Murphy had disappeared suddenly the last time they had seen each other. “What?” the strange woman said with a harsh voice as if he had interrupted her while doing something important. Bellamy shivered by the sudden noise that had broken the satisfying calm atmosphere. Because he didn't know what to say, he could only make some noises of incapability. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked him directly. “I… I was looking for John, he… I’m his friend, Bellamy”. “Did he tell you to come here?” she asked him straightaway as if it was something bad. She was nearly spitting at him, but Bellamy didn’t mention it, because he didn’t want to upset her even more. Not because he was being polite, but because she was quite terrifying. “No, no he did not. He just still has something that belongs to me” he said so Murphy wouldn’t get into any trouble.  
“Ok, wait here do not come inside or I’ll get the guards”. 

Bellamy didn’t move. Not because he was scared by the guards, they didn’t care anyway, but he was just a little terrified by John’s mom, but he was curious though. 

A little later the small, pale looking boy came through the door and was wearing the jacket that was lots of sizes too big. You couldn’t see his little hands and the ten years old boy looked even younger than he already was. 

Bellamy had gone there because he liked his jacket back, so he wanted to ask him if he could get it back but got interrupted by John “You wanna hang out?”.

Because Bellamy just stared at him and didn’t say anything and created an awkward silence, John started apologizing and said: “I’m sorry, I just thought that you came here to hang out...”.  
“No, no! I… I wanna hang out with you, I just don’t know where we could go” Bellamy lied.

Not completely. He did like John, but there was something off about that boy and his life. But he’d never admit that out loud. 

But he couldn’t help but say yes. John had looked so disappointed when he had realized that Bellamy hadn’t been there because of him and he looked so vulnerable and hurt that Bellamy had to go with it. 

“I know something” he announced and ran back into the House. When he came back John had put something into one of the many pockets of Bellamy’s jacket. “What’s that?” Bellamy asked curiously. “You’ll find out” Murphy responded and then started running and using his hand to give his new friend a sign to follow.


	2. the hidden secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter!  
> I'm sorry for any mistakes
> 
> Feedback is loved!

It had been a few hours since Bellamy visited Murphy.  
Murphy had picked a set of cards when he had been running back into the house. They had been playing for hour, but after a while they had gotten bored by the little amount of options they had, so they had started to make their own games. 

Murphy had brought Bellamy to a little spot on the ark. Not very secret but it was quiet and peaceful. The perfect place for hours of playing cards. 

After a long time of playing Murphy took off Bellamy’s jacket. Underneath the jacket he was wearing a shirt that was also way too big for him.  
When he moved to put the jacket down Bellamy could see the bruises on Murphy’s arm. 

“What’s that?” he asked him immediately with a mixture of dread and sympathy. “What?” Murphy replied disoriented, looking around confused.  
“Those bruises on your arm”  
“Oh, they’re nothing”  
“They don’t look like nothing” Bellamy responded certain.  
“I said they’re nothing, ok”  
Murphy had turned his head away, so he wouldn’t have to look into the eyes of his new friend. 

Bellamy let it go, because he knew it would’ve been pointless asking further questions. To break the awkward silence, Bellamy got up and said that he had to go home. To not make it any more uncomfortable Murphy agreed to that. 

Just before they both went into two different directions, Murphy said: “Oh wait. Here’s your jacket back” and he started to take it off.  
“Keep it. Just give it to me the next time we’ll see each other”. 

Murphy looked at him thunderstruck. He’d never expect someone wanting to hang out with him, especially not someone like Bellamy.  
Compared to the six years older boy with perfect dark curls and freckles all over his face, he looked pathetic.  
“I mean only if you want to” he said right away, because John still hadn’t said anything about his suggestion. “I guess, it’s not like I have anything better to do” Murphy said with an sarcastic tone. Bellamy rolled his eyes and said goodbye before he headed home. 

Murphy could’ve kicked himself. Why did he always have to be so sarcastic and rude, if he didn’t want people to acknowledge his true feelings deep inside, which was almost all the time.

The boys started to become close friends quite quickly. Probably because they both didn’t have any other friends except each other. 

Bellamy still hadn’t told John why he had helped him four years ago or that the had a sister.  
Bellamy had been planning to tell him several times, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t tell his closest friend about Octavia or that his mother had set him up to keep an eye on John almost his entire life. But he didn’t know that John had been keeping a secret as well. 

One day Bellamy went to John’s place to pick him up as always. 

John opened the door after Bellamy had knocked and Bellamy greets the younger boy that is now standing in front of him. The boy replied softly, walked through the doorway and turned around to close the door he had just opened. As he did Bellamy could see the fresh and older bruises on the parts of his friend’s body that weren’t hidden by clothing.  
Then he saw the bleeding wound on his inner wrist and normally he didn’t say anything, but this time he couldn’t hold it: “John, you’re bleeding!”, “where?” John responded calm, but he looked around to find the wound Bellamy was talking about. 

“There on your wrist” Bellamy said so John knew where to find it. John looked down at his wrists and as he turned them around he saw the bleeding wound on his inner wrist.  
He hid them, as soon as he had realized what he was seeing, behind his back so Bellamy wouldn’t see the injurie, but Bellamy had already seen it. John had been staring at them for too long. Too many memories were attached to that wound.

“Give that to me, I can help you” Bellamy explained but John kept his wrists behind his back. Bellamy tried to convince him to show him his hands: “I don’t care where you got it. Just let me help you” 

It seemed to be one of the issues, because John asked: “Do you promise you won’t ask any questions?”  
“I promise” Bellamy answered comforting. 

He already knew what was going on and how John’s mother treated him, but John never confirmed anything on purpose. But Bellamy knew his best friend, he knew what was going on. Only he couldn’t do anything about it, because John wouldn’t let him.

John held his wrists in front of Bellamy, so that he could inspect them. His arm showed three small fingernail prints printed into the boy’s arm and they were surrounded by bruises, some fresh some already a bit older.  
The prints were very deep, and it was more than likely that it would leave a scar. 

After a while of staring, Bellamy kissed the not irritated skin and a tiny smile appeared on John’s face but disappeared as fast as it had come.  
“Come on, let’s go play some cards” John said suddenly so that Bellamy wouldn’t even have the change to start asking questions. 

 

Later that day Bellamy arrived at home and was pleasantly welcomed by Octavia.  
As always for a second, he forgot everything and just thought about his little sister.  
But this calming and satisfying thought was broken by a familiar voice, though the voice was tired and sounded as if it hadn’t been used for a long time, it was filled with anger and frustration.

“Where have you been this long?” his mother Aurora asked him directly, without greeting him like his sister had done.  
“I was with John” Bellamy replied, trying really hard to not show his annoyance.  
“I told you to keep an eye on John to protect him not to abandon your own family”  
He wanted to scream at her so bad, but he knew that he would only make it worse.

“Why do you even care?”.  
“Maybe because Octavia’s your family! She is your sister, your responsibility”, now Aurora was screaming at him and Bellamy had completely forgotten about Octavia for a while. She was sitting on a chair without making any noises, so she could listen to the conversation between Bellamy and her mother, without being send away. 

“No, I know that she’s my responsibility, but that’s not what I meant...”  
“Then act like it!” she interrupted him.  
“I’m trying my best, but why do you care so much?”, he was finally able to say without being interrupted by his mother, “I mean about John”.  
“That’s none of your business” she said bitter.  
“I think that it is now” Bellamy replied straightaway, not certain if he wanted to hear what was coming. But he wanted to know the truth, he was sick of all the secrets and all the lies. 

Aurora took a deep breath before she told him: “Me and John’s mother know each other for a while now. We were very close back then, but then I got pregnant and I couldn’t see her anymore of course. We wouldn’t talk, but when I heard her husband had died I wanted to go visit. When I knocked she opened the door and smelled like alcohol. I just knew what was going on, 'cause it hadn't been the first time, so I had to protect that innocent little boy who turned into a victim. Only I couldn’t do it myself, so I asked you. I hope you understand”

Bellamy didn’t understand everything, he didn’t get why she cared so much about a boy she didn’t even really know but Bellamy didn’t say anything because he was content with the amount of information he had gotten. Also, she had not just "asked" him, she had practically forced him to do it, but he didn't find it necessary to mention that. 

“I get it” he said to comfort her. Even though she gave him a lot of responsibilities, he still loved her, it was still his mother.  
“Please don’t tell anyone, especially not John” his mother asked him.  
“Why, I mean it’s not like he and his mother are very close. I don’t expect him to go tell her” Bellamy replied instantly.  
“No not really, but it’s better for him if he doesn’t know”  
“But…”  
“No, you won’t tell him anything” she responded and ended the conversation by walking away.

 

The next day Bellamy wanted to visit John as always, but when he had arrived nobody opened the door as he knocked. 

He walked around the ship to go look for his friend and as he walked by the field with the fake, green, plastic stuff that was supposed to be grass, he saw his friend lying down, looking at the stars. 

Bellamy walked towards him and as he arrived at the place where John was lying, he let himself carefully fall onto the ground next to his friend. 

When he turned his head, he could see a single tear strolling down his friend’s face, as soon as John noticed the tear he swiped it off with a single motion. After he put his hand back into the position it had been in before, you couldn’t even see that his position had changed for some seconds. 

They had been very close friends. When they had watched movies, John used to braid his legs between Bellamy’s and sometimes he would lay his head on his shoulder. John used to fall asleep on Bellamy’s lap and he would start playing around with John’s hair, creating a tiny smile on John’s face every time he woke up. But it would never stay long, it would always disappear as quick as it had come. 

But they never really talked about feelings. Not that Bellamy didn’t want to, but every time he started to talk about something like feelings, John would only make sarcastic jokes, he just didn’t want to talk about things like that.  
When he was with Bellamy he could forget all of that for a while, so why talk about it.

That’s why Bellamy wasn’t sure what to say when he saw how broken John was. He knew how to talk to Octavia, but he didn’t know if that was the best way to talk to John.  
“I have to tell you something Bell” John confessed.  
“What is it? You can tell me everything” Bellamy could feel how panic crept into his veins, freezing them. Or was it just panic?

“There is something I’ve never told you…”, Bellamy could only see half of his face because John was still staring at the stars, but he could still see the sadness and… guilt? 

"Bellamy, I have a brother"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible!


	3. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter 3! Finally! It took me so long to finish it. I'm so sorry, but life's pretty busy right now. I'll try to upload faster next time!

“You have a what?” Bellamy asked John full of shock, he had heard him the first time, but he just had to realize what his best friend was telling him. 

John got up and started sitting with his legs crossed, “His name is Miles and he's ten, we were able to hide him until now. If I believed in miracles, I would’ve said that it’s a miracle indeed. He was born a few months after my father was floated” John still didn’t look at Bellamy.

“Can I see him?” was the only answer John got. He hadn't expected this. John had been thinking about how Bellamy would react, if he would tell him his secret, many times, but Bellamy acted in a way John had never even thought of. 

Bellamy had many questions, but he was pretty sure that John wouldn’t give him answers he was looking for. John had already told him more, than Bellamy ever had had the courage to. 

“I don’t think so, my mother doesn’t want you to find out, she said especially not you. Whatever the hell she meant by that” John surprisingly answered his question.  
Bellamy knew why, but he didn’t know why he wouldn’t just tell the boy in front of him. John had just told him his biggest secret, but Bellamy didn’t have the courage to tell anything to his best friend. Again.  
“I have to go” Bellamy said suddenly without knowing why. John’s face didn’t show the tiniest bit of surprise, rather some kind of mixture of acceptance, anger and disappointment. But the anger wasn’t meant for Bellamy. It was like he already knew that Bellamy would leave him, but he still had had a glimmer of hope. Bellamy sprung up and ran away, leaving John all by himself. 

 

Bellamy had regretted it instantly.  
He was still running, headed to his place. He really hadn’t wanted to leave John, he didn’t even know why he was going home. 

Was he planning on telling Octavia? Was he going to confront his Mother? 

He didn’t know what to do.

Bellamy knew what he wanted to do, but he couldn’t go back to John. Not yet. He had a feeling that running back would just upset John and make things worse.  
Bellamy thought that listening to his gut, would’ve been the best thing he could right now.

 

When he arrived he almost fell, right after he had almost lost his balance because he had bumped into a woman with a scent that was so familiar but still gave him shivers as always.  
She had just walked through the door opening and she had looked furious.

The scent smelled like alcohol and it brought back memories Bellamy had tried so hard to forget. 

When he received his balance back he could look into the woman’s eyes. He hadn’t expected seeing those eyes, that were practically dead inside, somewhere near his home.  
The woman wanted to say something to Bellamy, but as soon as she realized who he was, she turned her head around and started walking fast-paced. 

Why had she been here? Why had John’s mother been in his house?

He walked inside and the first thing he could see was his mother staring full anger at her feet while sitting on a chair.  
Bellamy was looking for Octavia with a bit of uncomfortableness and angst, which was satisfied the moment he spotted his sister. But that feeling of satisfaction was replaced by fright the moment he had realized; John’s mother had just been in here and Octavia hadn’t been under the floor. 

“Why isn’t Octavia hidden?” Bellamy said to his mother, who didn’t look like she would answer.  
Just as Bellamy was about to ask his sister, Aurora started to explain: “It doesn’t matter, she already knew before”  
Her voice was soft but not comforting, it was rather terrifying. 

“Why didn’t you tell me before. You said you broke the contact when you got pregnant” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it now” Aurora responded, she sounded depressed, but Bellamy wasn’t satisfied with that respond, so he didn’t let go.

“Why did you lie to me! Again!” he said, almost screaming at her, but his mother couldn’t take it anymore and started screaming at him.

“I said, I don’t want to talk about it!” she yelled. 

Bellamy wanted to say something, but he didn’t.  
Maybe it was because of what John had told him just minutes ago or maybe he didn’t want to argue with his mother all the time, but he ended the conversation by turning around and walking through the door opening. He had a quick pace and when Bellamy was on the other side of the door, he had  
closed aggressively, Bellamy just headed some direction without knowing where. 

 

When Bellamy had left, he had left John all by himself. All alone with his thoughts. 

Why had he told Bellamy about Miles, his mother was going to kill him? Why didn’t Bellamy react how John thought he would? Why hadn’t he said something? 

John had expected Bellamy to be mad. He’d thought Bellamy would have wanted him to tell him earlier, but he had seemed to be unsurprised by it. It had seemed like he wasn’t really thinking about it but rather about something else.

Something John didn’t know about. 

John wanted to talk to Bellamy so bad, but he felt like he couldn’t go to him now. It had been Bellamy’s choice to walk away. 

John had no idea where to go. He couldn’t go home, he felt way too guilty because of telling Bellamy about miles.  
Just as he was thinking about him, John saw Bellamy walking on the other end of the hall. 

As soon as Bellamy spotted him, John could see how his concerned face turned into a guilty one almost instantly.  
John turned around to walk away. He wanted to talk to Bellamy, but he was convinced that Bellamy didn’t.  
But as John was about to walk away, Bellamy said to him with a louder voice: “Wait! I need to talk to you!”, John didn’t respond, “Please, we have to talk” Bellamy begged. 

John stopped moving but didn’t turn so he wouldn’t have to look at Bellamy. If he saw the freckled face he loved so much, he’d break. Again. The last time that had happened, it hadn’t ended well and had caused all of this. But he did want to talk to him. 

John had been standing still, too afraid even one movement could break the moment.  
Bellamy took the silence as an approval and continued talking: “I’m sorry I walked away, I didn’t mean to, I just…” 

There was an odd silence hanging around, it was so quiet John could only hear the machines wiring and his heart beating in his chest.  
“I have to tell you something…” Bellamy confessed. He had obviously lowered his voice, but John could still hear it crystal clear. John could feel Bellamy coming closer carefully, even though they were good twenty feet apart.

Though John’s heart was racing because of what was coming, he still hadn’t moved.  
“I’m so sorry, …”

Bellamy was interrupted by several guards running past them.  
They both watched them run away further and further without noticing the probably very dramatic looking scene that was happening between them.

After the guards were out of sight, John had turned around and looked Bellamy into his eyes. He didn’t know if he was seeing things that weren’t there, but for a split-second John could see a tear in Bellamy’s eyes, but as he blinked it was gone. 

Bellamy looked confused, he didn’t know how to say what he was going to tell. But there was also a blink of relief in his eyes, as if he was thankful for the guards interrupting him. 

John could see the struggle in his friend’s eyes  
“It’s alright, don’t feel any pressure. You don’t have to talk about something you don’t want to talk about”

“No, no… I have to tell you this before you find out differently and you’re going to” Bellamy confessed rather to himself than to John who was looking into his eyes without blinking, too afraid to miss anything. John was extremely nervous about what was coming. 

They were about five feet apart. John wanted to come closer but couldn’t. It was like he was frozen and had lost control over his body. 

Just as Bellamy was about to explain, they were interrupted for the second time.

This time by a harsh voice: “Just take him to the Skybox, we’ll find out about his family”, followed by a loud noise of several guards holding a younger and pale looking boy. 

The voice, belonging to chief guard Miller, as Bellamy could approve after he had looked at the group of guards, was ordering what to do with the struggling boy they were holding. 

John’s stomach turned as soon as he realized who the boy was, the guards were holding. He wanted to run towards him and take him away from those people. But he could feel two big, familiar hands, one holding his arm and the other wrapped around his waist, stopping him from doing something he would probably regret.

But Bellamy didn’t know who it was.

Bellamy didn’t know that the guards were arresting his little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, hope you liked it! Feedback is loved I'll try to update as soon as I can!


	4. I hope I won't have to blame you for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, the 4th chapter!   
> this one's a little shorter, but I now know how the story will go on!
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

“It’s all your fault” John realized out loud. Bellamy had betrayed him.

“What?” Bellamy sounded confused.

“It’s all your fault” John repeated, now louder than the last time. Bellamy’s face was still covered in confusion.

“My brother is going to die because of you, you son of a bitch!”

“Why would you think that?” Bellamy still didn’t know what was going on, but he was obviously offended by John accusing him of something as huge as being responsible for his brother’s death.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because they just arrested him!” 

“What! That was your brother?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t know. You told your little guard friend and he couldn’t wait to run to daddy” Bellamy did have a guard friend, Nathan Miller, because of Octavia Bellamy had been a guard to protect her, but he would never tell anyone one of John’s secrets. 

There was some jealousy in his voice, but John didn’t know where it had come from. Why should he be jealous of some little guard-boy?   
“Murph, I swear, I…”   
John cut him off: “go float yourself Bell”

John’s face had the cold and terrifying expression Bellamy knew from whenever John’s mother had started screaming at him. It was cold-blooded and didn’t show any human emotions.   
John assured to not give Bellamy any time to respond by running after his brother. 

After what felt like ages of running John stopped and realized that it was pointless. Bellamy had made him lose the only two persons he loved. 

He was imagining Miles being home completely innocent and suddenly the guards bursting in and taking him away.   
John was picturing Miles’ screaming for help and his mother’s, telling her son that it will all be okay. 

His mother. 

He started running for the second time. John didn’t know where all the new energy had come from, but he was glad it was there. 

When he arrived at home the door was closed, and he felt a hint of hope. But that brief sense of relief was completely gone the moment he saw his mother lying on the floor in a pool of her own vomit. 

Her body wasn’t moving, and her face was as white as sheet. The only thing that were still the same were her eyes, as dead as always. 

John ran towards her, sat down and put her head onto his lap. Her fragile looking face turned furious and broken. 

“It’s all gonna be alright, don’t worry” John tried to comfort her with a cracking voice.

“Don’t you dare touch me you murderer” his mother coughed out. 

She had an unexpected amount of energy in her voice considering her circumstances. John felt anxious. What had she meant by that?

“You killed your father and now your brother”

This sentence made his veins freeze and his heart stopped beating for a second. He could feel her cold breath on his arms, the bitterness of her thoughts reflecting in the used oxygen coming out of her lungs, giving him goosebumps. 

“I did not” John said so quietly that for a while he considered that his mother hadn’t heard it. But she didn’t respond simply because she couldn’t respond. The amount of oxygen in her lungs was way too low. John didn’t know which time would be the last time, she would exhale.

After a long time of trying, his mother could finally manage to bring out a sentence: “You killed your entire family the moment you were born” 

And as John realized she was right he could feel his mother exhale for the last time.   
Her dead eyes were still full of anger and sadness before John closed them with his fingers. 

“I’m so sorry” 

Her face didn’t look fragile anymore, it was finally broken. 

“I never meant this to happen” 

He could’ve finally told her whatever he wanted to say to her, without being hurt. How much she had hurt him. Everything she had done to him.   
But the only thing he did was apologizing.

“It’s all my fault and I’m so, so sorry”

At first, he could feel a tear strolling down his face followed by many more.

But then he stopped apologizing.  
He wrapped himself up, finally put her head down and stood up.   
John walked towards his room and picked up the only thing he cared about.

The guards could take all his other belongings. The only thing attached to them were memories. Memories he was trying extremely hard to forget.

When he walked out of the room he put on the jacket and a hint of Bellamy’s smell hit his nose. 

John realized that even though he still hated him for killing his brother, Bellamy was the only person he still loved or could love.

John thought he was going to Bellamy because of revenge, maybe he wanted to show Bellamy the pain he had caused him. But John was about to realize that his intentions were lying somewhere else. 

 

When he arrived at Bellamy’s, he was about to knock when a woman opened it to walk through the door frame. 

Aurora burst into him and as soon as she recognized him she turned around and started to walk away quick-paced.

John took the moment and put his left foot between the door and its frame, forcing it to stay open.   
He opened it further and walked into the room. 

The moment Bellamy noticed him, his face turned into a mixture of happiness, relief, but also sadness. But soon enough Bellamy had realized that his sister wasn’t hidden. 

Only this time he didn’t feel scared because someone had seen her. He was scared because John had seen her. Without knowing about her existence. 

John could feel his veins freezing and he could’ve sworn his heart had stopped beating for a while. 

Bellamy looked at Octavia and back at John. At Octavia and back at John.   
“Murph”, Bellamy tried to explain, “This, this is Octavia. My…”

John interrupted him; “Your sister” he said it without any emotions opposing his true feelings. 

He felt betrayed, Bellamy had lied to him. Yet again John had still come back like some lapdog. 

Bellamy had been shitting with him the entire time. Acted as if he could tell him everything.   
But Bellamy had lied to him. After John had shared every thought, every habit, good or bad. Every disappointment, every single tear he had ever spilled. Every trace of love and each moment of comfort, each moment of fright and every single second filled with uncertainty, and Bellamy had still lied to him.

“John let me explain”

“No,” said John, there was nothing to explain, “first you kill my brother, then you kill my mother. Just to save your pathetic sister” he stressed the last word with a sound of disbelief and disgust. 

“Your mother is dead?” Bellamy asked.  
John turned his face away to cover the tears he felt burning in his eyes. 

He recognized his true intentions for this meeting.   
He never wanted revenge. John had been looking for comfort and love after he had lost everything and everyone. 

But he could only see it after he had realized what he was feeling inside was actual hate. Now he wanted revenge. 

John had lost every single bit of love for the boy in front of him. And with that his last bit of humanity.   
He knew exactly what to do. It had never been that clear. 

He put off the jacket and threw it at his feet aggresively.

"Just shove it up your ass"  
John turned towards the door and stormed out. 

John was going to get his revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the 4th chapter, hope you liked it! Feedback is loved as always and I'll try to add the next chapter as soon as possible.


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